Five minutes, any day. Spent writing—something anything not for anyone anything no edits no outlines no plans no correction, this is where it goes.enjoy.

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

A Memoir of the Summer

My ceiling fan broke today.
I lay in the darkness, sweating on top of the sheets while the black weighs heavily down upon me, and imagine it's steady twirl...
cachick
cachick
cachick
cachick
_____________________________________________

They fixed the ceiling  fan today.
The steady whirring of the blades
eases my tired, harried mind in the darkness

The constant beating of the blades at the air reminds me
some things in life are constant
some things in life are constant
some things in life are constant
some things in life are constant
some things in life are constant
 
 

Saturday, April 13, 2013

The mountains are more true than you think

"And no matter how hard you wish life was made of gardenia tattoos
and used teabags
and dip-dyed mint green hair
and too many pastel lace shirts,
reality is made up of cement and teeth and blood and
there's no vintage instagram filter to stick it through
so pull your head out of your iPhone and
do something with your bloody life while you've still got it,
okay?
Do something with your bloody life!"
I shouted
and the mountains carried the echo back to me.

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Once-- but now . . .

Once
I thought every man was an island
and I was a tunnel
reaching far into the center of the universe
and though shallow to the eye
depth unreachable beneath.
But slowly
as I learn
and grow
and live
I realize:
there is no end to anyone
and each man goes on until he can't see the end of his own thoughts--

and it's made me a little less important, I think.
And a little less perfect.

Thursday, November 29, 2012

The spring in my step will be gone in the morning

Don't let yourself think too long or you'll convince yourself you're a functioning adult.
A good camera and a video editing system would be all it too. Also hours of work but it's sounding more and more appealing but success isn't imminent and I need someone to remind me of this. My eyes are burning and my head hurts, but it's what happens when you revert back to eyeglasses after blissful years of contact lenses.
My handwriting consists of a swoopy flow of letters, without picking up the pencil and without thinking too hard about what I'm doing. It just falls from my hands and I let it.
I've never seen her when she hasn't been wearing that brown belt. But eh now, watch your words. I know we're all thinking it but when you actually believe it that's when you've made the wrong decision.  She isn't an idiot, she's just a little flighty. But she's kinder than you'll ever be.
I'm a bit of an Amazon. You insult one of my girls and I will tear your head off without remorse. I get that from my mother.
Fingernails always look so good while they're still wet but the instant they start to dry the entire world sets out to destroy their lovely sheen.

STOP.

Wow, haven't done that for a while. It was kind of fun.
Hi there, other blog. Haven't posted on you in a while. How have you been? :]

Monday, October 15, 2012

Doubting

What if this isn't where I belong
What if this isn't what I'm meant to be doing
What if this is a result of a bad decision I made
What if this is because I thought wrong
What if this is because I believed wrong

What if I wasn't ever supposed to get here
What if I was meant to be doing so much more than this
What if I made a bad decision even though it felt right/
What if I thought wrong
What if I did wrong

But if I really believed it was right
But if nothing told me it wasn't
maybe it is right

but can it really be right?

Things shouldn't be like this
Things shouldn't be like this if it was right
Things should only be like this if it was wrong

unless
unless I was told wrong
unless I was told wrong my entire life
unless I was told wrong my whole childhood

I know we go through seasons
I know we do

But this feels like winter
But this feels so wrong

I thought that things worked out
I thought that dreams wouldn't die
I thought that I could do anything
I thought that this would end like Cinderella
I thought this was a happy ever after

Thursday, October 4, 2012

Solve the problem

Pain.
that's what this feels like.
I was comfortable. It was okay.
Okay like a splinter you've grown long used to.
Okay like a wound you've had for a while that continues to throb.
Don't pull it out--
Don't pull it off, it'll bleed--

Bleed
and I don't want that.
I've grown used to it. It is okay.
Okay like a bad habit you've justified.
Okay like a little lie you've allowed to grow.
Don't change it--
Don't change me, it'll hurt

Hurt
that's what I don't want.
I want tolerable. It's desirable.
Desirable to leave the problem to avoid momentary pain.
Desirable to be as comfortable as I can for as long as possible.
Don't cut it out--
Don't cut it out, just leave it--

Leave it
that's not an option. It's not acceptable.
Not acceptable to ignore the bigger problem for momentary enjoyment.
Not acceptable to make bad decisions to please yourself.
It's not okay--
It's not okay, you know--

And since I know
the time has come
to cut it out
cut it off
pull it out

staunch the bleeding

and let it heal

Saturday, August 4, 2012

thinking&thinking

I wonder why I can't think the way that I used to?
I wonder why I can't remember how I used to think?
Adults are always saying that they feel the same as they did at 16, 17, 18, 19...
But I don't think that will be true ov me.
Because my thought process--
the way I think--
has changed so drastically in the past two years how do you know it will ever stop changing?